He sat huddled in the corner of his room, his spine pressed against the cold white wall and sketchpad resting on his knees. He fiddled with his pencil, twisting the wood between his fingers and occasionally chewing the end lightly as he waited for the inspiration he so greatly desired to come. His eyes scanned the blank page infront of him wearily and he sighed at the emptiness that stained it.
He knew exactly why his inspiration had vanished.
It had died along with Frankie.
Gerard sighed again, heavier this time with the memories of Frank fresh in his mind, and dropped his hand beside him on the cream carpet. His head fell back and hit the wall with a slight thud and his eyes slipped shut slowly, the darkness under his eyelids covering him like a blanket.
Pictures, images, simple memories carved into a teenager’s mind were all that remained of Gerard’s beloved Frankie, the boy who got picked on and bullied by everyone else around him.
Constantly shoved into lockers, kicked and punched in the wild school yard like a defenceless animal, verbally insulted and mentally scarred.
Yeah, that’s how everyone will remember him.
His eyes snapped open and he stared, jaw dropped, at the white ceiling above him. Memories that had lied, hidden, under the weight of worries for what seemed like a lifetime, had been uncovered, rediscovered as if they were new.
”Frankie! Give it back!”
Gerard’s feet ran across the sweet morning grass, making his bare soles wet with the dew that clung to each individual blade. The boy running ahead looked back, eyes sparkling in the dawning sunlight and smile stunning with the happiness that radiated off his skin.
“Never!” he cried, waving the hat scrunched in his hand manically as Gerard growled playfully and sped up. His legs started to ache and his head pounded with all the running so early in the day, but he wanted Frank and his hat back.
He sighed again, silently cursed himself for being so unfit and fell onto the soft grass, his back dampening immediately. His chest rose and fall rapidly, the lack of breath hurting his lungs, and he could only struggle out four, exasperated words.
“..I..hate..you..Frankie..”
He gazed up into the clear blue sky and felt a faint smile cling to his lips as he heard the sound fast running stopping and slow footsteps beginning to get closer. He closes his eyes and a warm summer breeze blows his hair into his face, calming his spirits and soothing his racing heart.
Only when he opened his eyes did his heart return to its irregular state.
Frank’s face was only about an inch away from his own, and even though Frank was upside-down, he kissed his soft lips pleadingly.
“I want my hat back, Frankie.”
Frank pulled away slowly and smiled cheekily.
“Oh really?” he whispered cockily, leaning down to Gerard’s ear, “what are you willing to sacrifice?”
Gerard lifted his hands to Frank’s cheeks and pulled him into another kiss.
“..my soul.”
Frank laughed and rolled over next to Gerard, lacing their hands together.
“You’d sell your soul for a hat?” Frank giggled, dangling the hat above Gerard’s head.
Gerard merely sighed and let Frank continue teasing him.
“Yes. It’s a very special hat.”
“Why?”
Gerard rolled onto his side to face Frank.
“You bought it for me, remember? At the fair, the day you..” he blushed, “..the day you kissed me.”
Their smiles grew wider and their grip on the other tightened as Frank shoved the hat gently onto Gerard’s head, his long hair spiking out around the edges.
“It suits you,” he whispered, kissing Gerard’s pale lips softly, “I love you.”
“I love you too. For always.”
He felt a tear slide down his cheek as his head felt suddenly overwhelmed with the reminiscences of his only love, compressed with all the memories that filled his brain and threatened to spill over the edge if he didn’t do something.
Cogs fitted together, a lightbulb flicked on, realisation hit him.
As his mind relived that one tragic night, the stick of graphite twirled and twisted gracefully around the paper and he began to draw.
The pitch black of the New Jersey night filled the sky, only broken by yellow street lights as the boys grasped onto eachother, walking down the cold alley and watching their breath condense infront of their eyes.
The smaller of the two shivered into the other’s chest.
“Fuck, dude, it’s cold,” he stuttered as Gerard’s arms tightened around him.
“I know, but we’ll be home soon, okay?” he reassured him as they continued walking.
Gerard looked up from the pavement towards the large house at the end of the road and sighed, remembering that it was time for Frank to finally go home.
Frank saw his house too and stopped walking, turning towards Gerard.
“I’ll see you tomorrow though, yeah?” he whispered, sliding his hands around Gerard’s neck.
“Of course,” Gerard smiled, pulling Frank close, “I love you so much.”
Frank grinned madly.
“I love you too.”
They both leaned in and kissed softly but lovingly, enjoying the sudden floods of warmth that filled their bodies. Afraid of the homophobes living in this street, they broke apart quickly, checking that no one had seen.
“Bye,” Frank let his arms fall to his sides as he turned away and walked to the edge of the pavement, Gerard watching his back as he went. Frank stepped out into the road and turned back as he walked, his hand waving and smile gleaming in the tinny light.
And Gerard smiled back, convinced that nothing could ruin his beautiful day.
All he could remember was the blinding headlights of the car crashing into Frank, and his body plummeting forward like a breaking doll.
More salty tears fell down his face but he couldn’t stop drawing, his pain releasing itself in the form of art. His eyes were blurred, the poison fogging up his vision until he blinked and the batch was released, only to be filled by the next dose of liquid a moment later.
He suddenly stopped and stared at the page, stared at his creation and stopped breathing.
It was Frank. His smiling face as he’d remembered it, his strangely two-toned hair shining out and he could almost smell the strawberries that it used to smell of.
But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t look at Frank for too long or he’s crack, break under the pressure piling ontop of him.
So he grabbed his eraser from his side and swiped it across the paper.
Once.
Twice.
Three times he slashed.
Until Frankie was gone.
Forever.
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Comments
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Breathe.
but i loved it
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~tie me down and shut me up...
...i'll only get worse from here~
when I die, I want Gerard singing on the floor, roses on my casket, and Frank to climb in with me
..it makes me giggle :3
Thanks for the fav!
--
HEY!
I'm looking out for my star girl
that was beautiful
but so sad
--
Hey, girls, you're beautiful. Don't look at those stupid magazines with sticklike models. Eat healthy and exercise. That's all. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough. You're good enough, you are too good. Gerard Way
Superrcute, but so sad. I am sure you are gonna win. Because you are Doggie, and you rule.
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"People don't know if I'm gay, straight or an alien from outer space.. it's funny." - Gerard Way.
You rock, Wolfie.
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HEY!
I'm looking out for my star girl
--
"People don't know if I'm gay, straight or an alien from outer space.. it's funny." - Gerard Way.
So sad. >.<
You always kill one of them. Grr.
--
life is like a piano. what you get out of it depends on how you play it.
buy CHARTJACKERS' "i've got nothing" from i-tunes now - only 79p and all proceeds to Children In Need. Plus it's catchy and my friend helped write it!
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